Load Lifted

SO...I'm making a career move. Not like an I'm quitting my job kind of career move, nothing that drastic. I've decided to scale back on my hours at my nine to five to allow me to pursue something that I've been dreaming of for quite a few years. I recently (successfully) completed the coursework necessary to become a real estate agent!

I've wanted to get into real estate since we purchased our first house in 2001. I was infatuated with the process of finding a house that a family could make into a home. Not just finding a place to live, but helping people "achieve the dream." Corny, I know.

But there is something magical that happens when a family is matched to the perfect home. The first sign you see is the softening of the eyes, then you often catch a glimpse of a heart that is smiling. You can see memories reflect across a face from a soul's distant childhood. You see hope in a future that is yet to be.

So, for the last eight months, I've been working full time, going to classes part time, and studying every second of the night that wasn't spent with my son. It was hectic. I was making meal plans and using the crock pot to make sure my family was cared for when I was away. I was worrying that I wasn't dedicating enough time to my school work to be successful in my future career. I was worrying that I just invested $1,000.00 of our family's hard earned money into something I wouldn't be able to complete.

But in the end, it was all worth it. I succeeded! Those who know me well would say they weren't surprised. But I must admit there were times I was questioning my ability to keep all the balls in the air (so to speak.) And then it came time to inform my employer of my preeminent career change. That's when I froze. It took me 5 weeks to work up the courage to talk to them. And I had every excuse in the world not to do it.

And then it broke, the wheels came off the cart and I'd had my fill. I failed at my job. I don't fail. I'm not a failure. So when things at work were so bad that it made me feel like a failure I knew what had to be done. So yesterday I spoke to my employer about making the change to part-time. They, of course, don't want to see me go. They would do anything to keep me here. But I can earn the same amount working part time hours with real estate as what it takes me forty hours a week to earn now. And I want to spent my time at home with my family, not running laundry and making meal plans and getting groceries. Those are things that I will soon be able to do while my daughter is at school and my son is at school and daycare. So every minute they are at home I can be available to them. What a blessing.

So now I feel as if a load has been lifted. Something that has been brewing in my mind for many years is coming to fruition. No one likes "work", but so many times in the past 7 1/2 years I've felt like I'm spending my life taking care of the family that I work for instead of working so I can enjoy the time spent with my own family. And that isn't the way things are supposed to be. So now I will be free to use my time to put my family first, and that is the most wonderful feeling I've had in years.

The hands free revolution and me

I've been reading parenting books since well before I became a parent. We struggled with infertility and decided adoption was our best way to a family. Once we started the adoption process life became a waiting game, so to bide my time I thought to read was a good way of preparing for what was to come.

Then we were blessed with a little boy. He was slow to develop, but, in the beginning, we attributed that to his immense size. (He is now and has always been in the 100th percentile for height and head circumference, he finally fell off to 85% on weight.) When he was 15 months old I came to realize it wasn't just size that was holding him back.

We originally started trying to adhere to the attachment parenting style of child rearing. Which works great, but it lacked teeth. I was raised in a drill sergeants home, and while I wanted to evolve from my parent's style, I also wanted to provide an adequate consequence to my child's inappropriate behaviors. That's when I found Jim Fay and his Love and Logic approach. It seemed as though this program had an appropriate response to everything under the sun! I was in love with Love and Logic! But as time wore on, and Sammy wasn't responding the way everyone said he should, I came to realize that Love and Logic probably works great with your average kid. Sammy has considerable developmental delays on top of several other diagnoses, including sensory processing disorder. He is not like other kids, and definitely not average.

I found myself floundering, stuck somewhere in the nether. I needed help dealing with my special needs child, I needed guidance, even if only to help me remember I'm human and that I have to allow for my own failings too. That's when I discovered a woman who specializes in adoption and foster relationships. Her program is called Empowered to Connect. This feels like it fits better, it takes into consideration the circumstances surrounding someone who is not like others, but certainly doesn't want that pointed out. I haven't journeyed far down this path to building a better relationship with my son, but so far I like what I've learned.

A couple of weeks ago I came across Hands Free Mama and her journey which she calls The Hands Free Revolution. This woman seemed to be speaking directly to my soul. In all the turmoil that is the life of a special needs existence, I was losing sight of what was most important, Sammy. I need to be reminded that nothing matters if I don't enjoy my son! That is what life is about! Loving those that we hold dear, not being eternally disappointed when they don't live up to our unattainable standards! Not freaking out when we lose "control" of a situation! If you can let go of your preconceived ideas of how things should be and let your child flourish in their own way, you can nurture a relationship based on love and trust. Which is exactly where I want to be.

So in the end, I might not be a textbook attachment parenting parent or Love and Logic parent. I might not be a perfect Empowered to Connect or Hands Free parent. But hopefully I will be a beautifully blended mix of all of these techniques, and if I'm able to come up with an appropriate response in the moment when I'm dealing with my son, the time I spent learning about all of these things was worth it.

Birthday

Sammy is turning three. In two days, MY CHILD WILL BE THREE. In the blink of an eye, the little baby I once cradled in my arms has developed into a boy. I always heard the old adage "they grow up so fast". Not until I became a mother could I ever have truly understood exactly the implications one little saying can convey. It is simply amazing to watch little people grow and develop. He has become such a smart, funny, loving little ball of energy. He keeps my busy and on my toes, but I cannot imagine my world without him. I cannot continue without tears in my eyes so that is all for today.

Taxes

...one of life's only certainties. When I had finished preparing all my financial information for this year's tax appointment I felt fairly optimistic about the outcome. Darrin and I had prepared fairly well for this, making our quarterly estimated payments and socking away the appropriate amount when we sold his route to cover the additional tax burden caused by the capital gain. I thought we'd be in pretty good shape, maybe even get a little something back. Then the appointment came.

During the appointment, I started to really look at everything and realized we made too much money. We didn't have enough expenses to offset the increase in income. Darrin worked really hard to make his route lucrative so that when we went to sell we could ask top dollar, and he did very well at it. And I had received a hefty raise and went back to working full time by March of 2012. 2011 I had still managed to clear more than he did. Last year that was simply not the case. At the end of that appointment, the news came down like a ton of bricks; fourteen thousand dollars owed to the government. How the crap did this happen?

I take full responsibility for not compensating for the increased income and adjusting our estimated payments accordingly. But that only accounts for six thousand of the discrepancy. Where did that other eight grand come from? Well let me tell you, it came from self-employment tax. When you are employed by someone else, they are required by law to pay half of your social security and medicare taxes. When you are self-employed, you are on the hook for the full fifteen percent (which last year was only thirteen percent. Add that with the lowered income and last year we were golden.) What the crap! When I was sitting in my accountant's office deciding what to contribute to 2012's estimated payments I distinctly remember nothing being said about self-employment taxes. Isn't that part of a tax professional's job, to help prepare you so at the end of the year you aren't up a creek?

I was so furious I called my sister, who immediately insisted I sue my accountant for their oversight. That simply is not a possibility, I told her. Why should I sue someone to recover eight thousand dollars when it will probably cost them more like fifteen thousand after they pay their errors and omissions  insurance deductible and court costs. Not to mention, I will still be out legal fees if I pursue it. And we live in a small town. Do I really want to be known as the person that trampled all over a small business owner? I'm not sure they could survive a fifteen thousand dollar judgment. I know I couldn't.

So I started digging. Every receipt from 2012 was scrutinized. Every penny was categorized and accounted for. I hadn't remembered you could deduct state sales tax from your return. And every single effort that was made to aid in Sammy's therapy was deductible (as a medical expense) including therapy materials I had purchased and mileage to and from Dr. visits and therapy appointments. And every penny we spent on Darrin's clothing were now becoming uniform expenses. And anytime there was a duplicate gas receipt for any given week that went on the expense form too. I never have to fill up with gas twice a week so they must have been Darrin's receipts we overlooked the first time around. A little gray, I know, but I don't have fourteen grand laying around.

It took me two solid weeks of working every evening after Darrin took Sammy to bed. I looked at every line of every transaction on every receipt in that stupid little shoe box. And when it was all said and done, all I had was a single sheet of paper printed out with six categories and six figures on it. Wow, talk about anti-climatic. But I was ready. I had done ALL that I could, and now it was time for the second appointment. After twenty minutes of entering and checking, looking and rechecking, we came up with a new number. Ninety-eight hundred dollars. I could live with ninety-eight hundred. Ninety-eight hundred is worlds away from fourteen thousand.

So all my hard work paid off, literally, with over four thousand dollars in savings. I was a little peeved that Darrin didn't have to contribute much to this small victory, but the truth of the matter is I wouldn't have allowed his help. I am too much of a control freak, and I wanted to milk our expenses for every penny of tax saving I could find.

This entire story is leading to an epiphany I have finally come to realize. I'm not sure I can call it an epiphany actually because it took me a few weeks of internal narrative and considerable self-conflict to come to it. I used to consider myself leaning toward the liberal view in my thinking, at least as far as social programs are concerned. I figured I paid my share and that should help out people less fortunate than I. This year, I can't help the feelings of rage that boil up within me every time I see a cart at our big box store going down the aisle with a nice 60" television in it. Never mind that the children accompanying that cart weren't in clothes that fit and didn't have decent shoes on their feet. I have always tried not to judge others by their financial decisions. I've made some pretty stupid choices in my day, after all. But I don't see why we worked so hard to make money this year just to end up turning it all over to the government so they could redistribute the fruits of our labor. Giving it to the ones who won't work but will take every penny that they can from the system because, by God, they are entitled to it. I don't have an answer for the state of our great nation, but I can tell you this, I can no longer stand idly by while my child's future is being mortgaged for people who refuse to stand up and fight for themselves, and from now on my voting is going to have to reflect that.

TIME

I started this blog thinking I would try to post monthly. haha. The last few months have been filled with trips to the Dr., trips to therapy, trips to class, (yes, in all my craziness I thought I could handle adding something as silly as schooling to my routine,) and trips to the school to get Sammy setup for his first day. I don't take the time to write because I feel as though I could be doing something more productive. What I really need to do is MAKE myself take the time to write because getting this stuff down in black and white is such a relief to my over-taxed brain that it helps me process all the things that are going on.

So for today, I am just going to make this little post. A promise to take the time to get some of this stuff out. There is so much to post about I will be spending my next few days prioritizing my life's complications, trying to decide what needs to be aired first so as to try to get a handle on my stress and emotions. After all, it is some of the cheapest therapy available!