Then we were blessed with a little boy. He was slow to develop, but, in the beginning, we attributed that to his immense size. (He is now and has always been in the 100th percentile for height and head circumference, he finally fell off to 85% on weight.) When he was 15 months old I came to realize it wasn't just size that was holding him back.
We originally started trying to adhere to the attachment parenting style of child rearing. Which works great, but it lacked teeth. I was raised in a drill sergeants home, and while I wanted to evolve from my parent's style, I also wanted to provide an adequate consequence to my child's inappropriate behaviors. That's when I found Jim Fay and his Love and Logic approach. It seemed as though this program had an appropriate response to everything under the sun! I was in love with Love and Logic! But as time wore on, and Sammy wasn't responding the way everyone said he should, I came to realize that Love and Logic probably works great with your average kid. Sammy has considerable developmental delays on top of several other diagnoses, including sensory processing disorder. He is not like other kids, and definitely not average.
I found myself floundering, stuck somewhere in the nether. I needed help dealing with my special needs child, I needed guidance, even if only to help me remember I'm human and that I have to allow for my own failings too. That's when I discovered a woman who specializes in adoption and foster relationships. Her program is called Empowered to Connect. This feels like it fits better, it takes into consideration the circumstances surrounding someone who is not like others, but certainly doesn't want that pointed out. I haven't journeyed far down this path to building a better relationship with my son, but so far I like what I've learned.
A couple of weeks ago I came across Hands Free Mama and her journey which she calls The Hands Free Revolution. This woman seemed to be speaking directly to my soul. In all the turmoil that is the life of a special needs existence, I was losing sight of what was most important, Sammy. I need to be reminded that nothing matters if I don't enjoy my son! That is what life is about! Loving those that we hold dear, not being eternally disappointed when they don't live up to our unattainable standards! Not freaking out when we lose "control" of a situation! If you can let go of your preconceived ideas of how things should be and let your child flourish in their own way, you can nurture a relationship based on love and trust. Which is exactly where I want to be.
So in the end, I might not be a textbook attachment parenting parent or Love and Logic parent. I might not be a perfect Empowered to Connect or Hands Free parent. But hopefully I will be a beautifully blended mix of all of these techniques, and if I'm able to come up with an appropriate response in the moment when I'm dealing with my son, the time I spent learning about all of these things was worth it.
