Dreams

I woke up late for work, but I had the most vivid dreams...

I had driven my Suburban through a McDonald’s parking lot on my way in.  I was surprised to find myself heading to help an older gentleman cut a vinyl mat.  I didn’t understand the point until I realized he was going to use it to paint a railroad crossing X on the road.   I was helping him and I wanted him to stop cutting because he was doing a terrible job.  When we got done I looked down and realized that it wouldn’t make an X at all because he had cut out some of the wrong sections so I tried to fix it.  It didn’t quite work right still but he seemed oblivious to that fact.  He hollered, “Redneck ingenuity!” referring to some obscure television show I was barely aware of and seemed happy as a clam.  I was so frustrated I walked away.

I then went to my garage and realized my Malibu (which I haven't owned in two years but still think of often as my favorite car of all time) was in dire need of a good old-fashioned hand washing.  It was filthy!  I started on the rear passenger side bumper and was quickly disappointed.  I could see the dirt running off in the sudsy water as it dripped down to the floor but the car didn’t seem to be getting any cleaner.  I thought that perhaps it was oxidation and that I would need to use rubbing compound to get it out. I was so disappointed that my car was ruined, I decided to leave it. 

I grabbed Sammy and he and I loaded into the Suburban and drove back to the McDonald’s.  He said something in the back seat but I wasn’t focused on him, my mind distracted rueing over the mess of a railroad crossing sign and the ruined car.  I searched for a place to park, angry that the largest spots that were still farthest from the door were marked as handicapped.  I decided it was certainly a mistake and pulled into one anyway.  I got out and proceeded to remove Sammy from his car seat and he said plain as day, “One Mountain Dew”.  I was so happy that he had finally spoken a word other than mama or dada! I instantly regretted my undisciplined mind ruminating over recent events.  Why couldn’t I just live in the moment and appreciate what I have instead of regretting the things that were no longer!

I looked up and saw Rex’s truck in the drive-thru.  I wondered what he was doing there and my dreaming mind rationalized that he was simply waiting to order his lunch.  That is the last thing I remember before I woke up.  I think my mind made up the distraction to lure me back to consciousness.

The point of the whole exercise was to hash out something that has been on my mind a lot in the past few weeks. For some reason, I am getting hung up on things that are either out of my control or things that "might" have been.  Wondering what would happen if my life had taken this turn instead of that one.  It is unhealthy for my mind to wander aimlessly through such conversations, daydreaming about a life that never was.  Previously, in some of my darker years, those daydreams are the only thing that kept my sane.  My life is so full now and still sometimes I find myself caught up in these what if's, yearning for what could have been.  People who are happy appreciate all of life's gifts that have been bestowed upon them, they do not regret their choices or their lack of action. It is sometimes an active choice, to choose to be happy. Today I certainly needed reminding.